Best Old TV Commercials » 1980s

NES – Double Dragon

Best Old TV Commercials — Tue, 25 May 2010 23:37:58 +0000

Now, while to today’s standards Double Dragon II looks and plays like a clunky buggy mess, Double Dragon II was the Bee’s Knees back in 1989. Exhibited through a badly done 80’s cartoon, it likely found its demographic on television during Saturday morning action cartoons back when it was “Go America!” and a little less Japanese.

NES – Back to the Future

Best Old TV Commercials — Sun, 23 May 2010 23:24:55 +0000

This classic movie series also became an NES game series, adding to the list of “Poorly Ported Movies Into Games”. (I’m sure this list exists somewhere.)

And strangely enough, this commercial reminds me of that Universal Studios “Back to the Future” ride. And instead of assulting our innocent game player with monsters or characters, he vouches for the driver’s seat of the DeLorean complete with a Nintendo console on the Dashboard while he does exciting things that flash by so quickly you can’t really tell what this game is about.

But based on my childhood memories of playing Back to the Future for the NES, you really aren’t missing much. You are Marty McFly, time traveler, doing irrelevant and boring game activities like collecting clocks laying about the level and blocking away little hearts thrown out from Lorraine, presumably her “kisses”.

Magic Moves Barbie

Best Old TV Commercials — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:05:09 +0000

Magic Moves Barbie comes with a 3 piece outfit, including a “stole” that she gently “lifts” with rotating shoulders when you push a button on her back.

Barbie is into Jeans (UK Commercial)

Best Old TV Commercials — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 22:01:15 +0000

Barbie is into trends…and into jeans. But not too into jeans because the fact is she’s not wearing jeans. But she does have long French hair and three pre-teen British singers backing her up, so she must be into jeans.

Ooooo! Ken notices!

Barbie Dream Bed

Best Old TV Commercials — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:55:44 +0000

Barbie: Hey Ken, come check out my new Dream Bed!

Ken: Sure, Barbie!

Barbie: Look, it says “Barbie” on my blankets and pillows, it’s hot pink with fancy lace on everything, even the canopy! I want to lay in it right now! Weee! (Barbie jumps into bed)

Ken: Well I must say Barbie, your bed’s pretty gay. Ah well, there’s no room for me, anyway.

Barbie: Sure there is, lay on your back, and I’ll get on top! If you want your own spot though, you’ll have to speak with Mattel.

Perfume Pretty Barbie

Best Old TV Commercials — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:48:07 +0000

Barbies with gimmicks reached a new cliche with Perfume Pretty Barbie – a Barbie with even longer hair and a small bottle of cheap perfume your kids will be smelling like for the next 5 days. She also came with a transforming dress/skirt outfit and a hot pink Barbie-sized comb.

Astronaut Barbie – Barbie in Space!

Best Old TV Commercials — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:43:44 +0000

“Girls Can Do Anything” is Barbie’s slogan in this classic Barbie TV Advertisement. And Barbie surely does break barriers for both women and humanity with her super hot trip to Outer Space in her super hot Space uniform! Barbie visits the moon where she plants her hot pink Mattel Barbie flag and then her space uniform transforms into a hot mini-skirt outfit for a space-age dance party.

Barbie and the Rockers

Best Old TV Commercials — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:22:15 +0000

Barbie has made her way into the Entertainment business, but “The Rockers” was the best she could come up with? Ah, well.

This commercial rocks out to the 80’s – big clothes, neon lights, and big hair. Oh yes, even Ken has big hair (silver metallic clothes and a pink guitar, as well). Thankfully he was sold seperately….

There’s also lots of dancing, which looks less like dancing and more like a slight bending at the hips while flailing your arms like you’re drowning. Rock on Barbie. Rock on.

Teddy Ruxpin – It’s Alive! (Yet another Frankenstein cliche)

Best Old TV Commercials — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:30:27 +0000

Teddy Ruxpin appears as Franken-Teddy, strapped helplessly to a chair and pummeled with sharp bolts of electricity with that same stupid yet gentle smile on his face. Meanwhile, the mad scientist (and a kid) observe as this fails to make Teddy do anything but keep smiling. We discover soon that Teddy requires 4 D Duracell brand batteries. Not Energizer, not RayVac or any of that crap. Not even those super advanced energizers can compare to 4 D sized batteries. I mean, come on, they’re the biggest ones. Why on Earth do people make things fit those ridiculous, giant D cell batteries? They’re cumbersome, in my toys they always corroded, and even looking at them makes me feel wasteful. Anyway, I digress.

Teddy Ruxpin was a cool toy from the 1980’s with some clever technology: Instead of using the casette with left / right for stereo, they adapted one of the tracks for mono audio and the other track for Teddy’s mouth movements. This kept him talking in sync to what was coming out of the speaker. There was an extra notch in the Teddy tapes so the cassette player in his backside would know if it had an audio tape or a Teddy story tape. He told stories of his adventures with all of his pals including Grubby, a strange centipede-like creature with the same stupid/gentle smile who also became a toy.

Teddy Ruxpin – Bus Ride

Best Old TV Commercials — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:19:47 +0000

Remember, everyone: The kid with the Teddy Ruxpin toy gets all the attention. Not you. So stop picking your nose, giving your friends Laxative gum, and poking the backs of those cheap school bus seats with pencils… it’s time to ask Mom for a Teddy Ruxpin toy.