Infomericals – The Comfort Wipe

2000s, Featured Articles, Infomercials 0 2678

Inevitably, we all suffer from butt wiping; it is the one private daily activity of the day we all share, a “common denominator” of being human. And we rarely talk about butt wiping, it’s just one of those things you do because, well, you should.

Our ancestors used leaves and slaves. Our more recent ancestors created rolls of soft tushy paper. And now, we’ve detached ourselves further from this disgusting, obsene practice of getting near our rears with the Comfort Wipe.

Yes, the comfort wipe. It’s sort of like a toilet bowl cleaner, but adds an extra 18 inches of butt-wiping reach.

Touted as “The best improvement of toilet paper as we know it since the 1880’s”, the comfort wipe is for these trend-setters in the butt wiping world: hot blondes too hot for poop, middle aged folks who appear to have random crippling shoulder pain, and the morbidly obese who can’t reach their own butt.

“Toilet paper is archaic and disgusting,” she says. As disgusting as re-using a plastic butt-wiping tool every time you go? I prefer the dirty stuff to go directly into the toilet, thank you very much.

“Being a big guy certainly has its advantages and its disadvantages”. Yes, there are definitely advantages to not being able to reach your anus. And the comfort wipe certainly attracts hot blondes!

(By the way, here’s a tip to stay clean after touching dirty toilet paper: Clean your hands.)

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